remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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