I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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