I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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