He asked to "fluff my boner.."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
BRING THE BAGELS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
