We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
