TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
