I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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