Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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