I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
