aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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