Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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