I puked a lego.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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