I wanna passion pit in your ass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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