i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
