My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
