she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
