i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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