he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
