Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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