3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
