In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
