Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
