I love black thongs
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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