im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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