I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
