how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
