Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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