I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
