I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
