I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
