I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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