This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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