smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
