The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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