it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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