I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
