btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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