I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize