she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
