I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
