I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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