I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
