Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
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You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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