he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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