I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
