Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
