I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
