never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
