After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
