I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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