Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
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I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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