You can't special order awesome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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