hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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