My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
