He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
