I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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