Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
