How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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