i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
