I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
