She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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