one might say we're banned from that church
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
