two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
