its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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