She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
