I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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