What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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